daina kallon hoton.

Kofar dakin naji an banko an shigo da sauri. Ban dago kaina ba amma nasan Hafsat ce saboda kamshin turaren ta da naji. Ta karaso da sauri tana cewa "ina saqo na da akace an....... " bata qarasa maganar taba saboda abinda ta gani. Ta tsaya a bakin gadon tana kallon tarkacen da suke kai. A hankali tasa hannu ta dauki IV din sai naga ta yarda shi ta rufe bakinta da hannunta. Na kalli fuskarta naga kamar wadda idanuwanta zasu fado kasa saboda mamaki. Bata cemin komai ba ta fara kallon hotunan da sauri sauri. Na ajiye hoton hannuna na mike na fara cire kayana. Har a lokacin ba zance ga abinda zuciyata take ji ba. Na daura towel zan shi ga toilet naji Hafsat ta kira sunana a hankali "Moon am so sorry, da na san abinda za'a kawo min kenan da ban saka private investigator ya nemo shi. I thought in kika ji labarin halin da yake ciki zaki nutsu ki koma normal life din ki" bance mata komai ba nayi hanyar toilet, ta sake cewa "moon please let's talk about this" na juyo da sauri nace mata "ba abinda kika yi min Hafsat, in fact I am so grateful naga wannan sakon. I just need to be alone for a while" daga haka na shige toilet. Shower na kunna na shiga ciki nayi zaman dirshen ruwan yana zuba a kaina. So karya yayi min sanda yace min zai dawo, dama bashi da niyyar dawowa. Shekara daya kawai. He got married to Efi. Amma ai cemin yayi baya son Efi, ko duk a cikin karerayin daya shirya min ne. Har hawan jini na samu da yarintata saboda shi, nayi watsi da karatuna saboda tunaninsa amma dame zai saka min ? He got married. Married for God's sake. Zafin da nakeji a zuciya ta yayi yawan da hawaye yaki zuwa idanu na. Ruwa mai sanyi ne yake sauka a jiki na amma zafi nake ji kamar ana hura wuta a kirjina. What hurt me the most is the fact that he looks happy. He is happy ya auri Efi. Maybe idan aka ambaci suna na sai ya yi tunani kafin ya tuno ni. Maybe I am just one of the others. Kuka nake so inyi amma hawayen yaki zuwa. Why Ibrahim? Why do you choose me as one of your victims? Na tashi na kashe shower na goge jikina da towel na daura wani na fita. Hafsat tana nan a inda na barta, ta gama kallon hotunan tana karanta report din. Na shafa mai, na dauko wani wando skin tight 3 quater na saka, na dauko riga itama 3 quater, daga sama ta matse ni daga kasa ta bude na saka. Kananan kalba ce a kaina, na tattare su nayi packing dinsu a tsakiyar kaina suka zubo kan kafaduna. Na dauko turare na feshe jikina dashi. Ban kalli Hafsat ba ballantana pictures din da suke gabanta. Har na yi unlucking kofa na kama handle zan bude Hafsat ta yi min magana "what are you going to do?" Na tsaya amma ban juyo ba. Ta sake cewa "look, a cikin report din nan an nuna cewa takura masa akayi ya aure ta, babanta shine ya rike su shida sisters dinsa tun rasuwar babansu, kuma shine ya matsa masa sai da ya aure ta, in fact yana lagos akayi daurin auren ma kawai kiransa akayi yazo akayi biki" kallonta kawai na ke yi fuskata babu expression, na saki kofar na jingina a jikinta na rungume hannuna a kirjina, kamar yadda Ibrahim yake yi, a hankali nace "does that change the fact that he is married?" A hankali tace "no. I just thought it will make you feel better. Look ni ban damu da Ibrahim ba, in fact I don't even like him. Baki da lafiya already bana son wani abin ya kuma samunki a kansa. Please just read this for yourself" na juya na sake kama handle din kofar sannan na juyo da kaina na kalleta nace " I am a psychologist my dear sister, I don't read words written on some pages, I read people, I read minds and this man... " na dawo cikin dakin da sauri na dauki hoton Ibrahim da Efi suna dariya, na cigaba da cewa "this man here is happy, and that's all that I need to know". Na juya na fice daga dakin.

Kitchen na shiga na tarar da cook tana ta aikin dinner, na dauki vegetables na fara yankawa sai ga mommy ta shigo ta tsaya tana kallona saboda ni bamai son girki bace, sam bana shiga kitchen in ba dole ba. Kit na yanke hannuna da wuka, da sauri mommy tazo zata rike hannuna na ja da baya na fice daga kitchen din, ina jin ta tana kirana na bude kofar main palo na fita hannuna yana jini. Har na dau hanyar gate sai na tuna kayan jikina yadda suke sai na dawo na koma cikin palo, ina jin Amina tana yimin magana itama na rabu da ita. Sam bana so ayi min magana. Extra dakin da yake part din mu na shiga, na shiga toilet na wanke ciwon hannuna, na daure shi da handkerchief. Har dare ina dakin ban fito ba kuma har lokacin hawaye bai zubo a idona ba. Nayi sallar magrib da isha, Hafsat ta kawo min abinci tace ta gayawa mommy bana jin dadi, nace mata na gode. Na kwanta amma bacci ya gagari idona sai juyi kawai nake yi. Cikin dare naga ba bacci babu labarinsa, na tashi nayi alwala nazo na fara sallah. Ni kaina bansan raka'a nawa nayi a ranar ba, kuma duk sujjada sai na roki Allah ya chire min Ibrahim daga raina. Har aka yi sallar asuba, nayi sallah na zauna ina azkar anan bacci ya dauke ni. Mommy ta shigo ta dubani taji jikina yayi zafi, nan ta kama fadan me yasa na kwanta ni kadai? Nan da nan aka kirawo Victoria, tana gwada jini na kuwa tace ya hau. Dama nasan haka zata kasance saboda yadda nake jin wani azababben ciwon kai. Mommy ta saka ni a gaba akan lallai sai na gaya mata menene matsala ta amma nayi shiru, fada take kamar zata ari baki. Ni dai na samu akayi min allurar bacci nayi kwanciyata. Ranar wuni nayi a gida ban je school ba. Washe gari Saturday tun safe nace da daddy ina son zuwa bakin ruwa (beach), ya barni saboda yana ganin fresh air zata taimaka min, amma yace mu tafi tare da Hafsat da Amina. Ban so haka ba saboda so nake in zauna inyi tunani. Muna zuwa bance musu qala ba na dau handbag dina nayi gaba, sai da na samu gurin da babu kowa sannan na zauna a kasa ina kallon ruwan.

When was the last time I had a serious conversation with myself? Me ya faru da ni ne? Ina wannan yarinyar 'yar makaranta who is loved by all? Na tuna da medal din da school din mu ta bani, to the most talented student the school has ever had. Ina dreams dina na zama likita in bude private hospital a Nigeria in ringa taimakawa marasa karfi wadanda ba zasu iya zuwa kasar waje ba? My life was so peaceful before kuma ina so ta koma kamar da. Indai har ina so in koma kamar da i have to let go of Ibrahim. Tabbas ya samu guri a zuciyata yadda bazan taba iya goge shi ba, amma zan iya tura shi baya yadda bazan ke tuno shi ba. Tabbas wani barin na zuciyata is 100% sure cewa Ibrahim yana so na amma mai yasa yayi aure? Nasan maganar Hafsat zata iya zama gaskiya cewa takura masa akayi amma still ya kamata ace ya neme ni ya gayamin abinda ya faru, na bar masa sako a gida kuma nasan da yaje da baba Habu ya kira ni ya gaya min. Tunda har bai neme ni ba yana nufin yayi accepting auren kenan, he looks happy in the wedding picture. Duk da ya taba gayamin cewa baya son Efi amma tana da chance din da zata juyo hankalinsa kanta a matsayinta na matarsa. Duk da bani da shekaru da yawa amma nasan maza suna da one weakness, Sex, cikina naji ya hargitsa wani amai ya taso min, sex, kusan wata guda kenan da auren, they might have already done it by now. Da sauri na tashi na fara kwarara amai, Allah ya soni babu kowa a gurin, sai da na gama amai na sannan hawaye ya zo idona, na zauna na saka kaina a tsakanin cinyoyi na nayi kukana mai isata sannan na tashi, naje bakin ruwa na wanke fuskata da bakina. Na dauko handbag dina na bude na fito da hotunan da takardun da aka kawo wa Hafsat, daya bayan daya na ringa jefasu cikin ruwan suna tafiya, ina kallansu suna tafiya a saman ruwa sannan suka fara nutsewa kasan ruwa. Na dauko waya ta na goge numbersa da na ke ta faman ajjiya, na shiga messages duk na goge messages dinsa da na kasa gogewa da, na saka hannu a handbag din na sake sauko letter dinsa, first letter din da ya fara rubutomin, na bude na sake karantawa sannan itama na jefa ta ruwa, abu na karshe shine CD din daya aiko min, na dauko ina kallon rubutunsa da yayi da permanent marker a jikin CD din, I LOVE YOU, a hankali nace I love you too Ibrahim but I must let you go, na jefa cd din shi ma cikin ruwan


Episode Thirty One: Let it go

Ina kallon cdn ya jima yana floating sannan ya nutse. Na dauke kaina na koma hanyar inda na baro su Hafsat. Tun daga nesa na hango alamar abinci suke ci, sun shimfida blanket suna zaune akansa. Na karasa da sauri nace "ina fatan dai baku cinye sandwich din nan ba" Amina ta kalleni da mamaki tace "au da jira kike yi mu rage miki? Kinga na hannuna shi ne na karshe, sai dai kisha fruits" ban yi wata wata ba na kwace na hannunnata na tura gabaki daya a baki na, ai kuwa ta taso kaina lallai sai ta kwace, suka hadu ita da hafsat suka danne ni, Hafsat ta kama yi min chakulkuli ina dariya Amina ta kwakule sandwich din daga bakina, sai kuma ta jefar dashi a kasa tace "ew, duk ta saka yawu a ciki" Hafsat ta daga ni tana karkade jikinta saboda dan squeezing da kayanta suka yi, na faki idonta na damko kasa cikin hannuna na watsa mata ta cikin wuyan rigarta. Tsayawa kawai tayi tana kallona cike da takaici, Hafsat da shegiyar tsafta, kuma na tabbatar kasar ta shiga har cikin brazier ta. Ta ma rasa me zata ce min duk masifar ta. Sai kawai ta juya baya tana karkade rigarta ni kuma na cigaba da kyalkyala mata dariyar mugunta, banyi aune ba kawai sai jin kasa nayi a fuskata, har cikin baki na dana bude ina dariya. Nan take wani fadan ya kuma rinchabewa kowa yana watsawa kowa kasa. Kasa har cikin gashin mu ranar sai da ta shiga. Sai late evening ranar muka bar beach din gabaki dayan mu munyi kacha kacha. Muna shiga palo mommy ta mike "what in God's name happened" Hafsat ta nuna ni tace "ita ce ta fara" mommy ta juyo da dubanta kaina, kafin tayi magana na yi sauri nace "aga wanda zai fara zuwa toilet" nan muka dau gudu muka yi dakin mu muka bar mommy da sakakken baki.

Tun daga ranar na mayar da hankali na wajan gyara rayuwata, daga naji Ibrahim ya fado min araina sai in fara wani abin da zai dauke hankali na. Addu'ah kuwa kullum sai na yita. Lecturers din mu sunyi marking report din da na rubuta sun turo wa daddy, ya kira ni naje na same shi a zaune shida mommy ya miko min takardar hannun sa yace "karanta a fili inji" na bude hannuna yana rawa na fara karantawa, As da Bs ne duk, ko C babu, na ajiye takardar na rufe bakina ina dariya, daddy shima dariyar yake yi yace "ashe zaki iya, da wato ganin dama ne bakiyi ba ko?" Mommy tace "Moon ai tamkar mai aljanu take, yau fari gobe baki, ni kaina ban san inda ta sa gabanta ba" daddy yace "at least she is doing good yanzu" ya juyo ya kalleni yace "Moon, ina so in cigaba da ganin irin wannan result din, bana son wannan mood swings din naki. Kina da kokari, kiyi amfani da brain din ki yanzu da kike da chance" nace "nagode daddy, insha Allah abinda ya faru a baya ba zai kuma faruwa ba".

Yanzu a makaranta bama tare da Hafsat, dan haka kowa harkar gabansa yake. Amma hakan bai yi affecting dina ba kamar yadda nayi tsammani, na mayar da hankali na sosai akan karatu na, nan da nan na fara sabawa da mutane, lecturers duk sun sanni saboda ni ina da saurin shiga ran mutane. Turawa, blacks da sauran kabilu duk kowa nawa ne, maza da mata. I am very serious akan karatu but I am not boring, I am very friendly.

Rannan muna zaune a daki muna ta shirin kwanciya bacci, sai muka ji knocking a bakin kofa, Amina tace "waye?" Yaya Habeeb yace "ni ne, I am coming in" Hafsat tace "don't come in, we are naked" kawai ya bude kofar ya shigo yana dariya. Hafsat tayi sauri ta ja bargo ta rufe cinyoyinta, Ya habeeb yayi dariya yace "yanzu Hafsat ni kike wani rufe jiki dan na shigo daki? Da yaushe kika gama shan dummy?" Hafsat ta murguda masa baki tace "i was doing you a favor da nace kar ka shigo, now you are doom for life" yana kallonta yace "bangane ba" tace "yanzu ka shigo kaga tsiraicin mu, zaka fara tunanin duk mata irin mu ne, zaka yi ta searching ka kasa samun kamar mu at the end zaka kare da auri saki" duk muka saki baki muna kallon ta ya Habeeb cikin mamaki yace "Hafsat yanzu rashin kunyar ki dama har ta kai wannan stage din? Do you even think you are beautiful? No wonder har yau baki taba yin saurayi ba" Hafsat tace "Na dauka cewa kayi yaushe muka girma, kuma yanzu kana maganar har yanzu banyi saurayi ba, ashe mun girman kenan" rasa amsar da zai bata yayi, ya juya ya fice. Ni dai ina tsaye da towel a jiki na, Amina tace "Hafsat mai yasa kika yi masa rashin kunya" Hafsat tace "Na gaya masa kar ya shigo, specifically na gaya masa cewa we are naked amma ya shigo, nima banji dadi ba da nayi masa rashin kunya amma so nake yasan cewa we are matured enough yanzu, it is not right ya ke shigo mana daki anyhow" maganar Hafsat tayi zafi amma she is right. Ko 'yan biyu ne ku karewar brother and sister da akwai privacy da kowa acikin ku yake bukata. Samari bai dace su ke shiga dakin 'yammata ba, haka zalika suna 'yammata bai dace su ke shiga dakin samari ba, in dai har bada wani uziri ba.

Sai da muka gama second year din mu sannan na samu zuwa Nigeria. Kawai sai naji bana wani murnar zuwa saboda dama wanda nake saka ran zan gani a Nigeria yanzu na tabbatar is no longer mine. Da muka je Nigeria sai muka zama abin kallo a gurin mutane saboda yadda muka zama, ni kaina nasan a cikin wadannan shekaru biyun ba karamin chanji na samu ba, fata ta wani mugun laushi da santsi, nayi kyar kiba ta komai ya cika yayi bulbul, ga kuma uwa uba wayewa, dadin mu daya mommyn mu is very strict, bata son shigar banza, dan haka koda English wear mu ka saka to sai mun rufe jikin mu, bama taba fita waje da matsatstsun kaya. Samari kuwa tun a makaranta har a gida haka muke ta fama dasu, daga ni har Hafsat har Amina babu wacce take kula samari, dan ni a England zobe na saya na saka a ring finger dina, duk wanda yazo naga yana kokarin ya fara nuna min soyayya sai in nuna masa zoben in ce "am married" duk da dai wadansu suna fahimtar karya nake yi amma dole su hakura tinda babu yadda zasu yi dani. Muna zuwa Nigeria ma abinda ya faru da mu kenan, dan ma samarin nan suna dan jin tsoron tunkarar mu amma duk da haka da akwai masu courage, in sunzo nakan tsaya in basu hakuri ince anyi mana miji, Hafsat kuwa ko kwallon inda suke bata yi balle ta kulasu. Rannan Amina tace "ni kam Hafsat zan ga saurayin ki a duniyar nan" nace "gaskiya kam, duk wanda Hafsat ta bude baki tace tana so to ya kamata azo kallonsa" bata kulamu ba saboda in miskilancin Hafsat ya tashi mu din ma bamu ishe ta kallo ba.

Satin mu biyu a Abuja muka tafi 'yalleman. Murna a gurin su inna ba'a magana. Tana ganin mu tace "lah, England din ce haka? Anya ba za abar karatun nan ba kuwa? Kar kuzo wata rana mu kasa gane ku saboda kun zama irin 'yan can" na rungume ta nace "we miss you too innarmu, in mun tashi tafiya next time tare zamu tafi dake saboda kullum kike ganin mu dan karki manta mu" ta rungume ni itama tana cewa "na ki wayon, salon mu tafi da baffa ki kwace min shi da wannan kyan ka kike yi kullum bayan ni tsofewa nake yi" Amina tace "kai inna, ai kamar ku daya ke da Moon"

Naji dadin zuwan mu 'yalleman dan ba kara min missing din su nayi ba. Nan da nan fara bin 'yan'uwan mu gida gida ina gaishe su kuma kowa sai na kai masa kayan tsaraba, har kayan da na siyo musu suka kare na fara diban kayan mu ina rabarwa. Nan take samari kuwa su kace dawa Allah ya hada su ba da ni ba, babu shiri na koma daki kusa